Suck My John Wayne

I'm totally taking credit for that phrase because I'm positive I'm the first person evre to utter those words by means of insult. Before I get into the birth-reason for said utterance (pun-intended), I would like to say that my John Wayne ain't no lil' pilgrim especailly when mirrors are involved. That said, I will proceed to the ocassion for the utterance...

Every school teacher has a shit-head, fuck-ball student he or she refers to as DOUCHE-BAG. This semester I have a five start shit-head, fuck-ball douche bag. And, quite frankly, I hope this student stumbles upon this blog so said student can be affirmed how much of a shit-ball, fuck-ball douche bag said student really is.

If you teach, you know this student. This is the student who is not only disrespectful by means of obviously surfing the internet while you teach, but thinks s/he knows more than you. Though this person might, the person has no fucking tact and an ego larger than the moon. This is the same person who says your descriptive comments are "stupid." This is the same person you have given so much wiggle room to improve that you can expect that this person will volunteer a kidney if you need one. And what does this student do? This is the student who after you have offered kindness to grant another chance on a big paper, emails you the same paper that got turned in the first time. The paper that still doesn't fill the page requirement despite your warnings, your kindness, your imploring. So what do I want to do? And what will I do? Pissing contests with students are stupid. Nonetheless, you can't let some fucker in your class boss you around. I have decided I will email this fuck-ball in a nice way and see what the bull-fuck story the student comes up with next. What I really want to write to said student is as follows:

Hey there, monkey-shit. You have proved yourself as a person who can read well because you figured out how to fuck up every single criteria for this paper. I'll be sure to keep you on my Christmas card mailing list because you made grading your paper so easy, F as in fucker. Also, thanks for saying, "Oh, Darn" when I told you half of your homework was never turned in. I'd like to "Oh, Darn" your face with a Swingline stapler. But I never will. I'd never do anything like that. I'd never get violent because that's not in my nature. I'm gonna be really nice now. I'm gonna be so fucking nice. That way when you contest the grade, I'll be D-Day on your white-trash existence and I can say you have a white-trash existence because I'm from Missouri and I'm white and almost all of my close friends are white-trash, you Minnesota-accent-mother-fucker.