Ear Farts

It is a day like this one when I really appreciate being a T.A. It's not because all of my students are little angels. It's not because I've just given a WOW-Lecture. It's because I can sit here in my "office" and think about the possiblity of farting out of my ear. Naturally, this new method of farting came about during a Smoker's Conversation outside Armstrong Hall.

We were talking about how headache pressure builds and builds and it would rock if there were a way to release that pressure. Drilling was suggested. Then I thought, wouldn't it be fantastic if you could pinch your ear closed, let go, and all of the pressure in your head would come out like air escaping from a balloon? Would it smell? I hope so. Would the sound be like that of a balloon squeaking? Or would it sound more like a real fart. I would hope it would smell and sound like a real fart. And since you are pinching your ear, in essence creating the pitch of the fart, you could come up with different little songs. On really bad migraine days you could pinch your ear and hold long enough to play Taps for yourself (buuuurrr....burrrrrr....burrrrrr. and so on). During Christmas migraines you could play Oh Holy Night. During Halloween you could pinch really tight when releasing the ear fart to get the high pitch of a witch laughing. The possiblities would be endless.

You'd be able to release the pressure of your migraine while entertaining yourself. The smells might be a turn off, but if it's a fart then the gas needs to have a stench to it. Got to stay true to the world of the story. And, you know what? You could ear fart right into someone's nose depending on your height. You could walk right up to them, rip a silent ear fart and be right on your way with that person gagging on your migraine gas.

I just know tried to make my ear fart by pinching it closed. I did hear the sound of the ocean, but there was no gas release. I really wish there had been. I'm curious what ear-wax smell would smell like. Would it smell like nasty carrots? It is orangish yellow. I just don't know.

Well, time to scoot (not literally though I would like to scoot like a dog on some very rough carpet some days). Time to go do student conferences. I like this job. I truly feel like an academic this very moment as I have my feet up and just typing away.